A few years ago a friend of mine—let’s call her Abby—went through a rough time in her marriage. Nothing terrible in that I mean no infidelity, lying, cheating, abuse or the like—just a rough time after having two kids back to back that resulted in her and her husband eventually going to therapy.
After a few sessions with her therapist, Abby shared with me that she felt she was the real reason her marriage was struggling even though initially she had believed it was her husband’s fault. Abby said that she and her husband had a great marriage until they had kids. She said that once they had two kids in a short period of time she and her husband sat down and made the commitment to one another that they would share caring for the children as much as possible. Abby happily added that her hubby was “all hands on deck” and always willing to help her. The trouble was, according to her, that her expectations of him helping her (meaning what that would look like) were too high—something she only figured out during therapy. Some examples of her high expectations included what the kids were eating or wearing or how clean they appeared (even though they bathed nightly).
My friend shared that through the process of therapy she decided to adopt the “good enough” mindset and since talking to her I have adopted it too—especially during the holidays. She decided that when her husband would have the kids for the day or when she spent an evening out, she would come home, observe the kids and the house and ask herself: “Is it good enough?” What she discovered was mind-blowing. She told me that 9/10 times it was always good enough.
I challenge you this holiday season to try flexibility and to ask yourself each time you are tempted to feel anxious or overwhelmed, “Is this good enough?” My hope is that you will find most of the time whatever you are doing is PLENTY good enough. And instead of worrying about what to wear, where to see the lights or what the spread on your table will be (and if it will be homemade), tell yourself it is good enough. Then, mindfully take note of each beloved person in the room with you and remind yourself that love, relationships and time together is really what our souls are wanting this season…and every other if we are honest.
This time of year I am reminded of my twins as it is the season of their births. They have taught me so much, including the importance of savoring life and the moment at hand, as well as rolling with and choosing to be happy with what is good enough.
If you need some extra support this holiday season a trained and seasoned therapist is waiting to hear from you and ready to help you. Please contact Life Enhancement Counseling Services today at 407-443-8862 and give yourself the gift of health.