Friendship—The Personal Side
Someone challenged me years ago to think about each friendship I have and what role that friendship plays in my life. For example, I may be friends with my neighbor, another counselor in the community and my child’s best friend’s mom. I am friends with each of these people and they each have a different role in my life. My neighbor may be the person I like to walk with or the person I call to close my gate when I worry I have forgotten to do so and my dog may get out. Another counselor in the community may be someone I can refer other clients to or staff difficult cases with. And my child’s best friend’s mother may be someone I can hang out with and chat with when our kids are at a bounce house, a birthday party or some other event.
I am friends with each of these people for different reasons and they each serve a different purpose in my life. Additionally, they will have different levels of access to my life (see the practical blog on this topic). There are things I would tell my best friend that I would never tell my neighbor. And there are things I talk about with my neighbor that my best friend would have no interest in.
Remembering the reasons you are friends with someone and the level of access they have in your life can protect you from unnecessary emotional pain and heartache. For example, if you know not to tell your deepest secret to an old childhood friend (who also happens to gossip and create their own truths) you don’t have to worry about that private information getting out or being distorted. Remembering who serves what role in your life is helpful. The tricky part can be figuring out who should go where (access-wise).
Trust is the bridge that allows friends to move from level one to three or five in my life. The only way to build trust is to take risks. We take risks by sharing bits and pieces about our lives and seeing what our friends do with that information. I always advise clients to go slow in these circumstances and share small things first. Once you see how the person handles your disclosure, you can decide if you want to grant them greater access. Sometimes people in our life mishandle what we tell them or have a poor response. When this happens, we get hurt. We also learn that at least for now NOT to grant them greater access in our lives.
If you are struggling to find or maintain quality friendships, we can help. We can help you identify what you want in your relationships, as well as how to navigate the relationships you already have. Life really is sweeter when you share it with others you trust and we want to help foster that in your life. Please contact Life Enhancement Counseling Services today at 407-443-8862 to schedule an appointment with one of our experienced mental health counselors.