NAMI is the national alliance on mental illness. They are the nation’s largest grass roots mental health organization. Taylor Bennet from NAMI wrote an article about how to support and listen and potentially help a friend who expresses feelings of wanting to die. Suicide is heavy. It is not easy to think about and it is not easy to talk about, especially with those you care about. The most important thing to remember is to talk about it. Don’t avoid it, don’t graze over it, don’t try to talk about something else. Listen. Confronting those thoughts out loud with someone who cares for them impacts someone’s ability to get the help they need before reaching a crisis.

When listening to a friend who is having suicidal ideation, it is important to remember how much pain they must be feeling inside of themselves. Helping them feel heard and giving them the space to talk is a way to show support. Listen. Be compassionate with them.

Psychologist Laura Chackes states “It is important to give lots of empathy to help them feel comfortable sharing and hold back from trying to fix what they are going through or giving them any advice. First, just really listen and show your concern by your body language and compassionate statements. “It is good to be especially aware of one’s body language in these important conversations, of course we are not perfect, but showing you are being attentive with your eyes or position of your body can go a long way. You often don’t feel that someone is listening to you when they turn their back to you, so being conscious of that in conversations about suicidal ideation can be helpful in giving support.”

Compassionate Statements can be:

“I’m so sorry you’re going through this”

“Can I bring you dinner? Would you like it if I came over?”

“You mean so much to me. I can’t imagine my life without you?”

“I know that you’re in pain.”

Validate with your words what your friend is feeling and experiencing. Rather than asking broadly what you can do for them, offering a specific favor you can think of can be helpful to support a friend, like making them dinner, or maybe picking them up some groceries. Make sure your friend knows how much you care for them and love them. Reminding them in a funny or heartwarming way can still show support. Make sure to be calm and nonaggressive in expressing your care towards them. Validation, listening, and reminding them you can help are great ways to show support to a friend in need.

Do not tell them their life isn’t that bad. Do not tell them that they don’t really want to die. Do not tell them they have too much to live for or that it will all blow over. Don’t tell them that everybody’s got their problems. Even if you don’t understand why they feel this way, they are obviously in more pain than you realize and statements like this only pass judgement. Invalidating their experience or feelings that they have just opened up to you about is not supportive. They do not always need advice or solutions, sometimes they just need to be heard. Even if you can see they have things to live for or feel that everyone is struggling in their own way, it is incredibly hurtful to undermine someone’s pain by expressing your opinion on their inner experience of their pain. Speak with compassion and seek to understand and be curious rather than pass judgement on what you do not understand.

Passively suicidal refers to when someone has suicidal ideation but no intention of acting on it. Actively suicidal refers to someone who is seriously considering suicide, has a plan, or access to implement the plan. If your friend is passively suicidal, encourage your friend to talk to their therapist if they have one, or encourage them to find one. You can help in the process by doing research with them, or making calls if they are having difficulty. If you feel that your friend is actively suicidal, you should seek help immediately. If they have a therapist or psychiatrist, you can reach out to them. You can take them to a local hospital to be evaluated. It is better to damage rapport with a friend and save their life than it is to not upset them by getting them the help they need.

Remember that you are not responsible for anyone else’s well-being but your own. Lastly, do not neglect taking care of yourself, because there is nothing easy about helping a friend who is in pain.

If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health, suicide or substance use crisis or emotional distress, reach out 24/7 to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (formerly known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline) by dialing or texting 988 or using chat services at suicidepreventionlifeline.org to connect to a trained crisis counselor.

If you would like to seek support for yourself or a loved one, please contact Life Enhancement Counseling Services at 407-443-8862 to schedule an appointment with a mental health counselor.