Frederic Gros is a french philosopher who edited Michel Focault’s paper’s (another french philosopher, political activist, and historian); wrote the Philosophy of Walking in 2014 which is a great book on mindfulness, being present, and (of course) walking. A Philosophy of Shame was published in May of this year. He poses a different narrative to shame than the one I feel we currently cling to in psychology.

We often associate shame with being a negative effect of life, our actions, and culture. Gros argues that shame is “What gives us the strength to disobey, to refuse to resign ourselves to this sorry and seemingly inevitable state of affairs and to keep intact our capacity to revolt is…”shame of the world”. He frames shame as a motivating factor to want our world to be different. If we are ashamed by a friend’s inappropriate action, we are more likely to speak out and redirect them. The same is true on the larger level of society and culture. If we are ashamed of what our governing body does, we are more likely to “revolt” speak or act out against it. This supports the theory posed by APA that Shame is also theorized to play a more positive adaptive function by regulating experiences of excessive and inappropriate interest and excitement and by diffusing potentially threatening social behavior. So thinking of shame in this way, paints it as this self-regulating mechanism in our society that helps us keep each other and ourselves in “check”. We know that shame can be motivating, and it can motivate defensive or retaliative anger, as well as avoidance. This type of motivation from shame is where our energy to speak out against or revolt comes from. Shame plays an important role in this process.

Gros also shares that “Shame is an amalgamation of sadness and rage”. The APA outlines shame definitively as a highly unpleasant self-conscious emotion arising from the sense of there being something dishonorable, immodest, or indecorous in one’s own conduct or circumstances. The psychopathology of shame also stays along these lines. We know from psychological research; that there is a relationship between proneness to shame and a host of psychological symptoms, including depression, anxiety, eating disorders, subclinical sociopathy, and low self-esteem. Shame in this way is unhelpful. It is typically characterized by withdrawal from social intercourse—for example, by hiding or distracting the attention of another from one’s shameful action—which can have a profound effect on psychological adjustment and interpersonal relationships. The way that shame can isolate us is dangerous, given the host of symptoms commonly found along with shame. Our biggest weapon against shame is transparency. Shame thrives and grows in silence and in isolation. Sharing shame and giving yourself a change to be understood, accepted, or validated in your feelings can ease the negative impact of shame in your mind and body.

Rather than demonizing shame in the ways that it shows up in unhelpful ways; it is also important to acknowledge what the feeling is, as a function not just the feeling. It is there to help or teach us something if we can allow it to. This of course must be balanced with internalized shameful thoughts about self and self-interests, as these negatively impact self-confidence and development.

Shame is a multifaceted feeling that has had a place in culture since society began, and its functions have changed. It’s important to decolonize where shame comes from and give context as to why we came to shame certain things in society and accept others. A Philosophy of Shame explores a lot of these ideas if you want to read more!

If shame like this is something you have experienced, want to talk about, or explore more, please contact Life Enhancement Counseling Services at 407-443-8862 to schedule an appointment with one of our licensed mental health counselors.

Resources:

​​https://dictionary.apa.org/shame

Philosophy of Shame, Fredereic Gros, May 2025.