Cost and Community
As a society we have emphasized the good of romantic relationships, but we skip over the NEED for friendship and community. Protecting your peace has become a readily used mantra online to put yourself first, protect you and your peace first. Which there is nothing inherently wrong with. If we encourage people to live stress free by limiting exposure to negativity, it has become synonymous with fully disengaging from people as soon as you face backlash or emotional discomfort. “It’s become normalized to prioritize ‘protecting your peace’ over showing up for your friends – but temporary discomfort is a small price to pay for lasting social connection”
At times, these moments of backlash or emotional discomfort are opportunities for growth and change within ourselves, or an opportunity for us to show up for those around us. The cost of community is inconvenient. Loneliness is the price you pay for a life of convenience. Everyone wants a village, but no one wants to be a villager.
According to psychotherapist and author Eloise Allexia, technology has continued to help us live isolated and sanitized lives, “moving us away from social spaces and in-person interactions, and towards our own private spaces”. We should take heed of the ramifications, she warns, referring to findings in an 80-year-long Harvard study that showed how the quality of our relationships was actually more important than good genetics in helping us live longer, happier lives. The study drew the conclusion that loneliness is a killer. It can be just as damaging as smoking or alcoholism. What feels good in the short term can lead to long-term challenges, stepping back from social situations separates us from community. Community has so many benefits such as emotional guidance, support, reduced stress, boosted mood, and feeling overall safer.
Self-care is a necessity, but sometimes going to that friend’s pet’s birthday party, or taking that friend to the airport, or helping a friend clean when they need support can give more to you in the long run. We all must balance our capacity to give and take, but we must not confuse inconvenience with a violation of our personal peace. It’s imperative to remove yourself from harmful situations and look after yourself but tolerating some social friction or disturbances to your preferred routine is simply part and parcel of being a social creature.
If you want to learn more about holding boundaries and building community around you, start by researching local events and organizations in your area. Worried, nervous, or scared to go? Ask a friend to join! If you would like to talk more about building your own community, why it is important and what roadblocks stand in your way, please contact Life Enhancement Counseling Services at 407-443-8862 to schedule an appointment with one of our experienced licensed mental health counselors.
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