Maybe John Lennon was on to something when he wrote the song Love is All You Need. In our society today love is looked upon as something whimsical, mysterious, intangible and fleeting. You are lucky if you experience it and even luckier if you can hold on to it. If we look at love as something abstract it does seem fleeting. But when we can see love in the actions of others or how others respond to our acts of love it becomes tangible, recognizable, and real. When we fully love it is not just a feeling, it is an action. And when we act in love our lives are better, our relationships are better and we have more peace. Of course, our acts of love may be rejected, and we are unable to always prevent tragedy and some really horrible things from happening. But acts of love can give us the strength to deal with rejection and the sometimes tragic things we face. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.”
There is a new field emerging in mental health circles that is based in years of what is called “love science.” In Dr. Sue Johnson’s book, Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, she describes how when we have secure love relationships these bonds “allow us not only to survive but also to become fully and optimally alive.” Researchers have found that the attachment bonds formed or not formed in early childhood will set the stage for our later love relationships. When we experience secure attachment bonds we are able to love freely and experience more independence, we are able to thrive and able to be vulnerable enough to risk loving others. When we do not experience secure attachments we can become avoidant and/or anxious in our love relationships. The good news is that not only have researchers discovered how as Dr. Sue Johnson states “attachment is the key to love,” they have also discovered that our attachment styles can change. We can adapt, we can heal old wounds, and we can come to love from a more secure place.
Maybe you have unfulfilled longings for connection and security that have affected your love relationships. A trained mental health counselor can help you begin the process of healing so you can love fully and live freely. Please contact Life Enhancement Counseling Services in Orlando today at 407-443-8862 to make and appointment.