When is the last time you asked yourself that question. In our society, we are so often oriented towards the grade given from others, the approval or disapproval given from others, and the desire to curb loneliness. We seek reprieve from our own self critique. The cliché of being ones own harshest critic is a cliché for a reason.

No one is thinking about you as much as you think about you. Yet, we operate as if we are in a spotlight at times with all of our actions on display for others. If you were a over achiever as a child, strove to receive praise, and needed it, would do anything and everything to get it regardless of what you thought about it, you may resonate with this sentiment. You learned to do what the adults in your life wanted from you to receive the praise and approval from them. To feel connected with them, for them to be proud of you, so in this way, you earned this emotional satisfaction.

• What does mom think of me?
• What does my teacher think of me?
• What does my coach think?
• What does my friend think of me?
• What does the cashier think of me?
• What does my ex think of me?
• What does my family think of me?

Notice the last time you’ve asked yourself these questions. How often do you have these questions for yourself? All this thought of how others see you, but not one about how you see you. You are not supposed to live for anyone else but yourself. It’s your life. Your body. Your thoughts. Your feelings. Your lessons. Your victories. Your growth. Thinking of someone means having someone in your thoughts and remembering them. What you think of yourself matters the most. Others’ opinions can matter, but not more than one’s own opinion of oneself.

We are wired to care how others think. We cannot be in denial of that fact. Lying to yourself that you don’t care what others think when you do is ignoring a part of yourself. Security in oneself means loving yourself and knowing yourself, all parts of you. Celebrate your own individuality, how at times you are a walking paradox, and a chaotic mess, but perfect in the way you are. No one else can determine your worth for you or decide for you where you stand.

You cannot control others thoughts and opinions of you, no matter how hard you try. You will not be able to please everyone. It is most important to please yourself. Since you can’t please everyone, you will always fall short and feel not enough or inadequate. You are striving for a goal that can’t be reached. It’s a dream to control how others think about you and perceive you. You control your own values. You control your own goals. You control how you see you. You control who is in your life, you deserve people that can help build confidence and uplift you as a person and not give you consistent unhelpful negative opinions.

Next time your brain offers you the questions of how someone else thinks of you, I encourage you to pause. Ask yourself what makes this opinion important to you. Check in with your own opinion of you. Does it differ from how you think someone else perceives you? Do you find it more positive or more negative?

Knowing that no one else can live your life for you. No one else can accept you for who you are the way you can do so for yourself. These are powerful ways to love oneself. A good way to check the criticalness of your own inner voice is asking yourself if you would say the same to someone you cared about. If you would refrain from speaking to someone you care about in the way you speak to yourself, then you deserve more compassion from yourself, because treating others like you want to be treated goes for yourself too.

If you find yourself preoccupied with others thoughts of you, highly critical of yourself, and feeling stuck. You are not alone! You are not stagnant, but a changing being and you have the power to be different. If you resonate with these statements, come talk to someone. Please contact Life Enhancement Counseling Services at 407-443-8862 to schedule an appointment with one of our licensed mental health counselors.