As weird as it sounds, I have always been personally and professionally interested in grief. I think it is because somewhere along the way I realized that grief, like love, is universal. The saying goes—if you love you will grieve. And I have found this to be true. People that know me say I “love big” so it makes sense that I would “grieve big” too.

I am old enough to have experienced multiple losses in my life, including the ambiguous type I talked about in part 1 of this blog. I have seen family members advance into dementia, I have had friends fall into substance abuse and later addiction and I have grieved people that have moved out of my daily life from best of friends to what feels like acquaintances.

Ambiguous loss is tricky because it possesses no finality. We often don’t know if we will ever see the person again. And if we do see them, we wonder how we will feel about it. We may even wonder how they feel about us now.

Ambiguous loss makes me think of making peace. There is a difference between having peace and making peace. When we make peace, we choose to let go of the way we thought something would be. We modify or relinquish our expectations. We lay something down knowing we may never take it back up again. Ambiguous loss is making peace with the unknown.

When it comes to the people we do still physically see—the grandfather with dementia, the sibling with a drug addiction—ambiguous loss may become even more difficult (than if we never saw them again). We are reminded each time we see them that things are not as they were. And yet, how things are now does not undo the past.

We can still hold fast to precious memories, we can still ponder sweet moments spent with our loved ones. The memories and experiences are ours, no matter what the present looks like. In some ways, for me, seeing my friends and family even when they change encourages me to remember who they were to me in their better days. In addition, seeing my loved ones change reminds me that I too, could change at any moment (whether it is of my choosing or not). This knowledge makes me more intentional about the time I spend with the people I love.

Any of our fates can change in a moment—whether it is a car accident, a mental disorder or divorce. I choose to let this fact shape the way I spend my days. I want to love big not so I will grieve big, but so that those I love will remember my love should I ever change.

If you are struggling with any type of loss or other issues like depression and anxiety, we can help. Our licensed mental health therapists are here to support you on your journey to healing. Please don’t wait. Contact Life Enhancement Counseling Services today at 407-443-8862 to schedule an appointment.