Divorce – The Personal Side

I have been in many romantic relationships throughout my lifetime, some of them even long term. I have been heartbroken and I have experienced conflict in relationships. BUT, I have never been divorced.

When it came time for me to write this piece I did not want to write something trite on a subject I have never personally experienced. I always want what I write to be relevant for at least one person. If not, I would not bother to write at all.

So, for this piece I talked to one of my dearest friends who is divorced and asked her thoughts on the subject. She is 45 years old, has a 6 year old son and has been divorced for 4 years. Before I reveal with you what she shared with me, I must make a disclaimer that this is only one person’s divorce experience—hers. We will call her Lucy. Lucy’s ideas on divorce are not necessarily mine and may not be yours. However, they are hers and I chose to let her voice be heard in this piece.

I called to talk to her while her son was at school and here are some of the things Lucy expressed to me about divorce.

“Before you get a divorce, look at the next twenty years of your life and think about what they will be like for you and your child.”

“Except in dire circumstances, like abuse, try every possible thing to make it work before getting a divorce.  Because divorce is not fun or easy.  What I mean is, raising children is easier with a team than a broken family.  Also, you don’t just get a new life.  You still have to deal with your past and ties to that person.”

“Realize that children often suffer from divorce.   You will need to be there to walk your child through the hurt they feel.”

“Because of custody arrangements, you may not always be at important life events with your child—like holidays, school events, etc.—if you get a divorce.”

Lucy told me that these were some of the main things she had learned from divorce. The darker things.  Her main sentiment to me was that the process was hard on her and perhaps harder on her child. She intimated that she thinks some people may see divorce as a simple way out, but they should realize they will still have to deal with all of the emotions that come from breaking a sacred commitment, as well as deal with the ex-wife/husband if a child is involved.

When I asked her if anything good had come from her divorce, Lucy told me she realized, “I am okay by myself.”  She learned that she did not need anyone else to feel happy and that was huge for her. She said she also realized there was “more for me in life.” 

I tend to agree with Lucy. When life is hard there is more to be found—more insight, more peace and more joy. The road to these priceless treasures is often difficult, but travelable nonetheless. Oftentimes the journey is easier with help—the help of relatives, friends, teachers, spiritual leaders and even counselors. A trained mental health counselor is one of many people who can provide the emotional support you need as you walk through the divorce process. She can help you work through your emotions and implement new ways to promote peace and emotional balance in your life. Please call Life Enhancement Counseling Services today at 407-443-8862 to make an appointment.


Yolanda Brailey