Affair Proofing Your Relationship—The Practical Side

Did the title of this blog get your attention? I hope it did, but I must start this piece with a full disclosure. There is NO way to 100% affair proof your marriage or relationship…just like there is no way to 100% baby proof your home. Life is messy and human beings are complicated. Having said that, there are still practical things you can do in your romantic relationship to promote intimacy and discourage infidelity. This list is not exhaustive, but here are some things to strive for in your marriage or relationship:

1) Avoid temptation. Don’t go places or do things that will tempt you to be unfaithful—even emotionally unfaithful. Emotionally unfaithful means sharing too much of your thoughts and emotions with someone you should not.

2) Date. Of-course you date when you meet, but keep dating. You should date your partner for as long as you are in a relationship together. Have a standing date as often as possible. Schedule it.

3) Thoughtfulness. Be thoughtful. Try daily or at least weekly to do something thoughtful for your person. Bring them coffee in bed. Pick up their favorite take out. Or just ask them if there is anything that day they need help with.

4) Initiate affection. Sounds simple, but this is so important. Give hugs and kisses daily. And make sure you both are comfortable with initiating sex.

5) Have regular sex. What is “regular” will depend on so many things including your life season, your age, your health and your sex drive. However, no matter what, you should be having regular sex—whatever regular looks like for you and yours.

6) Talk and listen. This one is simple. Do it. When you have your daily or weekly time together on a date or what-not, talk to each other. Ask what is going well and what is not.

7) Pornography. This is a topic all its own and I am not going to open the can of worms here. I will only say be mindful of the use of pornography and how it affects your relationship. If it becomes a negative issue, seek help.

So how do you feel after reading this list? Are you doing some or most of these in your relationship? Did any of them strike a chord with you? If you are struggling in your marriage or relationship we can help. Relationships are extremely rewarding but also require a tremendous amount of work when it comes to time, communication and expectations. If you are wanting to improve your relationship, please contact our office at 407-443-8862 to schedule an appointment with one of our seasoned and experienced mental health therapists.


Yolanda Brailey