In the first half of this blog, we talked about boundaries and how our experiences and personalities (including genetics) affect the way we see and set boundaries. We also talked about visualizing the boundaries you want in your life. For example, maybe you want to set the boundary with your boss that you will stay late on days your son does not have practice, but on Tuesdays you want to be able to leave in time to get him to practice and watch him there as this is important to you. Or maybe you want to set the boundary with your son that if he keeps losing his water bottle, he is going to have to buy a new one versus you continually replacing it. Consider what boundaries you would like to set.
Yolanda Brailey
The book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: a guide to reclaiming yourself, by Nedra Glover Tawwab, has been gaining popularity for several years now. In it, the author talks about how to set boundaries to find peace and gives concrete examples of ways to do so in various life settings—work, family and friendships to name a few.
Someone challenged me years ago to think about each friendship I have and what role that friendship plays in my life. For example, I may be friends with my neighbor, another counselor in the community and my child’s best friend’s mom. I am friends with each of these people and they each have a different role in my life. My neighbor may be the person I like to walk with or the person I call to close my gate when I worry I have forgotten to do so and my dog may get out. Another counselor in the community may be someone I can refer other clients to or staff difficult cases with. And my child’s best friend’s mother may be someone I can hang out with and chat with when our kids are at a bounce house, a birthday party or some other event.
When I counsel clients about friendship, I ask them to imagine a swimming pool filled with large steps--maybe 4-5 levels total—descending into the water. I tell them that some friends we hang out with on the first step in the pool and others we swim with in the deepest part.
Not everything about getting older is bad. In fact, some things get better with age, especially if we work on them. I am going to be incredibly transparent and say that in the past I was not good at treating myself or self-care, as described in the first part of this blog.
In Season 4, episode 4 of Parks and Recreation, Donna (Retta) and Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari) created the tradition of “Treat Yo Self” day. In this episode, they can be seen buying themselves whatever they want for a day. After the airing of that episode in 2011 the phrase “treat yo self” gained popularity. In fact, some people (including the actors themselves per a Google search) grew tired of the phrase after some time.
